Miss Alpha now. Mrs. Alpha someday…

I don’t know if this post is going to be relatable at all.

I don’t know if you feel anything like I do.

I have been holding on this post for a while… But I feel like today is a good day to post it.

Watch this video first and then we shall talk:

https://youtu.be/VHsGhWYxjkk

First. Yup! That’s the love of my life. The one that has ownership of my heart since the first Fast and Furious movie. Ok ok… I am totally joking. It’s not like I am “in love” for reals. I just love what he represents.

Vin Diesel

Ah! If you are anything like me and love those movies, I know I know… not the cleanest movies since there are always women in hardly any clothes, random and pointless sex scenes and songs that they don’t necessarily give Glory to God… BUT the cars that speed, guns, cool guys, and terrible acting… cmon! They are awesome!!… action movies are my thing!

Anyways… if you are anything like me you know that Vin Diesel is the jefe. The boss for those who don’t know Spanish. 🤷🏼‍♀️

He is the alpha dude that has the vision, the plan, the authority, the experience, the one that everybody listens to… He is the head of every operation. He is a true alpha.

Then there is Letty… his girlfriend or whatever 😑 She is an alpha as well. You see… they are both so freakishly strong which makes the “family” a very strong one. She always goes for whatever Dominic (Vin Diesel) says. However she can kick butt all by herself.

She can manage the whole team/family if she wanted to but she doesn’t. She follows his lead.

I identify with movies like these ones. I get Inspiration with movies like these ones. This team you see in this movie have a mission in mind. I cannot remember what the actual mission is but they have something they have to do. Lets face it. These movies are not the best ones and usually their mission is kinda dumb BUT they have a mission.

I want exactly what Letty has.

I want a relationship with someone who is an alpha. I want to be in a relationship with someone who is already doing something for God. I want someone who is all deep in it!

I relate with Letty. I do. I mean… I have kicked butt all by myself ALL OF MY LIFE. I am where I am because of The Lord and because I took every opportunity He gave me. I have never needed any guy to get where I am.

I am truly an alpha. I don’t need anyone… BUT I WANT SOMEONE.

You see, I can go to Tijuana and have a MicroSite two blocks from the nest of all the cartels. I can go where all the prostitutes are and minister to them while their pimp is screaming at me to stop. I can face people like that guy called La Rana and not show any fear. I can be in Tijuana all by myself without a car and come back home without a scratch. I CAN DO THAT AND MORE!

I don’t need anyone checking on me but… I WANT SOMEONE CHECKING ON ME.

“Did you make it home safe?”

“Let me pick you up!”

“Text me when you get home”

“Text me when you get in the Uber”

“No, I got it!”

“How can I pray for you?”

“No Esli, I am bringing the food!”

I need someone to teach me to that I don’t have to be Miss independent and Miss Alpha ALL THE TIME. I have been doing it for a long time.

You see… I will always be me. I will always be doing crazy things for God. I can do it alone. I just don’t want to anymore. I am sick of being alone.

In these movies, Vin Diesel always gives a tough job to Letty. He lets her do things as important as what he does. He trusts her. He knows her. He knows she can do it but he always makes sure she is ok. He always makes sure she is safe. He always knows where she is. He always protects her… even when he knows she is ok, he still double checks just to show her he cares.

Yeah… I want that!

#prayingwhilewaiting

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I’ve met the love of my life!

I’ve met the love of my life three times.

Does that sound weird to you?

I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe in The One. I don’t believe in Mr. Prince Charming. I don’t believe that God has THE ONE FOR ME.

Before I get to explain that last thing I just said… let me share the three love stories that have made an impact in my life.

The first love of my life was a super cool dude. I met him when I was 17 and loving him for almost 7 years was great!! We had so much in common. Ah! I learned so much from this dude! I learned to pray for him. I learned so much about ministry! I learned how to be patient. I learned to lead worship and how to be intimate with God. It was GREAT!!! He is married now. But the second guy was a little bit better…

The second love of my life was a pretty amazing guy!!! I met him when I was 25. I loved him for 4 amazing years!!!! Man! This guy pushed me to do pretty awesome stuff. He saw a side of me I didn’t even know I had. He was a very ministry driven. He always pushed for me to be independent in ministry. He taught me to “figure it out”. He traveled a lot doing God’s work. I was his biggest fan. I mean I am still am. It’s just different. He is married now as well. But goodness the third guy was WAY BETTER!!!

The third guy. Awe! He is just impressive. Challenge after challenge and he (without knowing) pushed me how to grow! This guy is such a passionate man of God. He sacrifices his own comfort in order to do what God is calling him to do. He is super creative and has the best ideas ever. He has a pretty amazing brain. He is quick to forgive. Peacemaker to the bone! With this one… I learned to not be the one in charge. I learned that submit to someone’s authority and be “the helper” instead of the boss is actually more fulfilling!!!! I can speak more freely about this guy because he is not married yet. Haha!

God does not have a perfect guy for me… or for you!

If He did… He would say that in His Word… and then free will wouldn’t exist.

Look at my case. I have fallen in love three times!!! All three times I was sold out for each one of them. I saw myself living the rest of my earthly years with each one of them. To me the three of them were perfect… and to me… I would been the happiest wife/girlfriend ever!!!

But it looked as if God (and this is just my opinion) was just showing Himself to me. Showing me that with each rejection or heart break He would bring something better!!! Every guy is better than the other one. And I really believe that I am getting better and better with each one of them. God used each one of these guys to show me areas where I needed to grow. He is faithful!!!!

So no, I don’t believe that God has THE ONE for me. But I do believe that God brings people in our lives to help us work on areas. I believe that God brings people in your life that would be perfect for you… its up to you to make the move. Hopefully, you make the right move tho…

So sis, if you are stuck with that one guy you love so much… just give God a chance… maybe a better one is coming. Sometimes we have to let go something we want sooooo bad… something we are holding tight… so that our hands can be free for something better. Has God ever done something to hurt you? nah!

Oh how I Praise God for each of the loves of my life!! I really tried my best to be the best they had. Hopefully, me being in their lives was impactful as much they were for my life!!! And in some cases, I now see why I never ended up with them…

Now… hey #4, where is you?!

I can’t wait to meet you! I cannot even picture in my head how you can be better than the other ones… but I am so excited to meet you!!! And hopefully you will be MY LAST love of my life. ❤️

#prayingwhilewaiting

I wanna be “home”


Don't you feel like every guy out there is just waiting for the best next thing?

I do sometimes.

But then… I remember the kind of life we all live now.

Pornography is so accessible. Almost naked pictures of women everywhere!!! Facebook, instagram… they are everywhere!!! Including pictures of you… yeah you who is reading this post… maybe?
Online dating has soooo many apps where women are like an object in a catalog for men to pick from several women… they get to decide if they are good or not good enough and they swipe as rejection… only by looking at outer appearance… sad!

Can you tell how I feel about Online Dating? 😑😒

Ladies!!!

It's so very sad but it's so very true. We live in that!

Don't be discouraged tho.

If you are a Godly woman who strives to do what is right and what brings glory to you Heavenly Father… then my sister… this is your time to shine!!!

This is your time to be the different and rare woman. This is the time where guys find that rare ruby that has that something!! And that something is God in you!!!

Guys will go AND make mistakes AND get lost AND women are going to break their heart… but at the end of the day… They will always want to go where God is. One day a guy is gonna see you and think… "yup, she is home!"

But until then… you shine sister! You shine!! And get some souls to Christ!! That's what you should be focused on… ONLY!!!

#prayingwhilewaiting

I am too sexy for my blog


Ladies!!!

Do you like my title? I thought it was funny. Bear with me.

Sexy is not an adjective I use to describe myself… and it is not one that people use to describe me either.

Let's talk about my body shall we…
No! I am not gonna tell you what it looks like. I am just letting you in my mind.

So… I am always amazed of my body. It tells me when it's hungry. It tells me when it's time to go to the bathroom. It tells me when I am tired. It tells me when I overdid it in the pool. It tells me when I need to go to the surface to get air when swimming underwater. It tells me when I am ovulating and when my period is coming.
Uh… sorry gentlemen! But it's your fault for reading a blog that is intended for women only.

Anyways… God created such a great thing when He created my body!

The inside and the outside of my body is pretty amazing!
I am always amazed by the strength of my legs and my arms. I swim so I am get to experience them at work. The funny thing is that they don't look strong. You know? …like muscular. They are just normal arms and legs but strong as heck!

Of course there are parts of my body that I wish they looked different but at the end of the day I am still amazed by my body.

I was going thru my Facebook and I noticed that some of my female friends are also super amazed by their bodies too. So amazed that they would take pictures of their bodies in almost no clothes to show it off. Maybe cuz it's summer and it's too hot to have full clothes. Or maybe my friends are poor and they don't have clothes. 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is what I want to talk to you about.

Sisters… stop posting pictures of yourselves with almost no clothes.

Have you noticed Princess Kate? Have you seen her outfits?
They are so formal. They are so beautiful also. She is never showing her boobs or butt.

She is a real princess.
Aren't you supposed to be one?

Where did you leave your tiara?

Your Father is the king of kings. Wouldn't you think that you should be/act/talk/dress like one?

Girl, love yourself a little more.
Let's face it. We take pictures with no clothes or barely clothes and post them in social media because we want the guys' attention.

It can be that one guy or many depending of how broken you are! But that's another blog for another day.

Did I say "WE"? Yeah! I have done it! I know what I am talking about!

And I hope you love your body!!! It's a wonderful thing!!!
Just don't be showing something off that is for your man!!!

Let me see if I can paint a picture for you.
When you go on a picnic or eat outside and you have your food in your disposable plate… there is a big chance that flies can get to it unless you cover your plate with a napkin right?

And when you are ready to eat it you just uncover the plate and enjoy your food.

Same thing happens with your body. When you uncover too much of it, the wrong guys, the random guys, the flies get to you.

I know this is a very stupid example… I am hungry.

Here is the thing…
You want for your husband to be the one… THE ONLY ONE to enjoy every inch of your body. You want your future husband to be the only one that knows you… every part of you. What's the point of letting everybody and their grandpa to see your body.

Wouldn't you want to give yourself and only yourself to your husband?

Don't give yourself to a bunch of idiots that will never want anything from you other than to use your pictures to do something not pure (I won't actually call it) or to give yourself to someone that will never want to wifey you!

No brainer!!! You would think…

Ladies… this body gets old and wrinkly. Haven't you seen your grandma naked? Maybe soon! Maybe you would have to help her shower one of these days. I have!

If you get a guy with your body, then you better look the same way EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!
It's just stupid! Pure stupidity!

Proverbs 31:30 says that beauty will not last!!! Even back in the day naked grandmas didn't look too hot.

Love your body BUT most important… love your future husband RIGHT NOW… love him so much that you will let him be the only one that gets to uncover your yummy plate!

Man! I am hungry!

If you are wondering about how to get a good guy without those pictures as bait…
BE A GODLY WOMAN

If your guy is not so sold about a GODLY WOMAN then he is one of those flies I was telling you about.

And before I go… I know a lot of you are wondering…

Yup… I am gonna get food. 😋

#Prayingwhilewaiting

You wanna date me? Here is my checklist! 


Hello guy who is looking at me in a different way, 
First of all… thanks for thinking of me in that way. I am flattered. 

Second of all… you are brave! 

Third of all… there is some stuff you should know about me…

I create lists. Why? I don’t know. They calm my anxieties. They keep me organized. They keep me focused. They keep me productive. Lists is my strategy for everything. My plan for attack usually looks like a list. 

I don’t know if you are anything like me but I know what I want and more important… I know what I need. No, my list has not always looked this way. In fact, The Lord has changed my heart over and over and over and I THANK THE LORD. I would have hated if right now I was married to a super rich, tall, green eyes, guy who had me in a super big home doing nothing. I would probably be empty inside and away from my Father. 

I have an extremely BIG fear of commitment. I do! 

My biggest fear is to marry someone who is wrong for me. 

My biggest fear is to divorce and for my kids to live in a “broken” home or in a home where the mother and the father cannot stand each other. 

My biggest fear is to do the marriage thing wrong. 

See why the prayer list? see why I find the marriage thing something super scary and worth praying for it like a maniac? 

My biggest desire is to leave a legacy in this earth that will continue to bring people to Christ and I would love for the Lord to use my marriage and my offspring for that… besides of all the extra ministry I am hoping to do with my husband. 

I could have been married by now if I didn’t have this list.

So when I post about wanting to be married, I am not lying. Gosh!!! I wish I was married… BUT I WILL NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING. 

I don’t go with my day actively looking for a husband but I AM ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE… thats the difference. 
So… here is what I am looking for… 

ready? you might want to sit down for this one.
Jesus is your first love not me

Oh this is hard for me to say and to even want, but I honestly need for you to love Jesus more than me. I have the tendency to want attention more than I need. I have the tendency to make everything about me. I need you to have a strong desire to do what God calls you to do. I need to know that you will not back down when it comes to God. I need to know that when you and I are doing ministry, you will not give up. You will not give up on the mission. I know you will make mistakes. I will learn along with you. I don’t care about that… but I need to know that you will not fall out of love with Jesus. I REALLY need you to love Him more than me! Because I want you to push me to do things that are going to be scary, difficult and challenging… and I am not going to like BUT they will bring GLORY to our Father!!! I really don’t want to slow you down. And even tho I love getting flowers and the attention, I would rather you keeping me focused on eternity and God’s mission!!! 
You don’t have a casual view of God

I need you to fear the Lord. I need you to be dependent of His word. I need you to want to pray. I need you to see His mission as your mission. I need you to trust Him. I need you to have faith in Him. I need you want to obey Him. 
You will protect me

No, I am not talking about you using your karate moves to kick someone’s butt… although that would be super cool and super sexy… not gonna lie. BUT I mean I need you to protect my walk with the Lord by helping me not to sin, protect my body by respecting it, protect my heart by loving me, protect my mind by encouraging me, protect my feelings by being honest, protecting our home by being the man of the house. 

And that you would protect my ministry by praying for me when I am out in “battle”. 
You will provide for me

Oh provision… 

where do I start?

I need you to provide Biblical correction in my life. I am going to mess up often but I am willing to learn. 

I need you to provide a safe loving and forgiving environment.

I need you to know you will provide for your home. Yup! I like to eat. Yup! I like to have a bed to sleep on. 
You see me the way God sees me

I have way too much baggage. I am severely broken. I have been damaged by rejection SEVERAL times. I have a very low self-esteem that I try to disguise by jokes and laughter. I don’t see myself beautiful… but I see myself as powerful. I do see myself as a strong woman. Don’t be confused by the selfies I constantly take. Remember that I told you I need attention more than I should? I am my worst critic. I am my worst enemy at times. I strive for perfection and I tantrum when I don’t reach it!

This is all I want!!!! This is all I REALLY need. I don’t need the tall guy. I don’t need the green eyes. I don’t need the handsome guy. I NEED the Godly guy. 

This is the part where you disappear. It’s ok… I won’t hold it against you. In fact, if you are not completely sold out by this checklist… please DISAPPEAR!!! 

You might be thinking. “Geez Esli, all I wanted was to date you not marry you!” 

I get it! 

I don’t want to marry right away. Remember how afraid of commitment I am? But what’s the point then?

I have no time for distractions!!! There way too many places where a MicroSite can be planted!! There are way too many people dying and going to hell. There are way to many orphans that need agape love. There are way too many single women discouraged and not focusing on what real life is all about. I HAVE A LOT TO DO. So please yeah… leave! My Father’s glory is at stake!!! 

And also… I know dating someone who is constantly posting her thoughts on blogs and social media is toooooo MUCH to ask… but THIS is one of my missions for right now and I am not backing down. 
BONUS PART

Words mean nothing to me. I need actions. 

I don’t know how to process words. 

I am told that I am nice, awesome, and even beautiful… 

then why am I single? 

By you telling me how awesome you are, what you are good at, and how much you love Christ… you are making me trust you less… I need to see it for myself. 
Ladies!!! 

I hope you get inspired by this checklist. 

And I pray that you look at yours and take all the physical appearance crap out of it. That’s pure flesh. That’s your lust. All the material stuff that will not help you with your sanctification. 

But fill your list with things that will help you be a better you…A more Godly you. 

If you are still single, you might want to see this video!

This Blog is a VIDEO!!!! woot woot!!!

PRAYER LIST

Day 1. Pray that he is growing Spiritually right now.

Day 2. Pray that he is listening to God’s voice.

Day 3. Pray that his ( the guys’) will would be bendable.

Day 4. Pray for his ministry.

Day 5. Pray for him to get ready for when you come along and you both can do ministry together.

Day 6. Pray for his emotional health.

Day 7. Pray for his physical health.

Day 8. Pray for him to break free from any addiction.

Day 9. Pray for his career.

Day 10. Pray for him to be responsible with his finances.

Day 11. Pray that The Lord prepares him to be a father.

Day 12. Pray for him to not get distracted by other girls that God is not intending to use for his growth.

Day 13. Pray for his identity as a man, his masculinity and self-esteem.

Day 14. Pray for God to allow him to see you the way God wants you to be seen (with God’s heart towards me).

Day 15. Pray that he has a desire to disciple others.

Day 16. Pray that his friends are pushing him to Jesus.

Day 17. Pray that he has a Godly mentor.

Day 18. Pray that God prepares him for your family. (My family is interesting… That’s all I will say)

Day 19. Pray that he would know and experience the power of prayer.

Day 20. Pray that he will have ambition for his life (specially for the kingdom).

Day 21. Pray that he is a good friend.

Day 22. Pray that he has an accountability partner that is correcting him Biblically.

Day 23. Pray that he tithes.

Day 24. Pray that he is okay with change.

Day 25. Pray that he is learning how to listen.

Day 26. Pray that he will care for others.

Day 27. Pray that he enjoys his time with the Lord.

Day 28. Pray that he doesn’t have a casual view of God.

Day 29. Pray that he is sensitive of your feelings.

Day 30. Pray that God is teaching him to take responsibility.

Day 31. Pray for him to have trials.

Day 32. Pray that he would be an achiever.

Day 33. Pray that someone is taking care of his blind spots while he is not with you.

Day 34. Pray that he has a desire to be generous.

Day 35. Pray that he is compassionate to others.

Day 36. Pray that God will prepare him for when you are sick.

Day 37. Pray that he is a blessing to his family.

Day 38. Pray for God to teach him to stop plans or change plans if it is because someone needs help or ministry.

Day 39. Pray that God is teaching him not to compare himself to others but to Jesus.

Day 40. Pray for God to teach him to be less selfish.

Day 41. Pray for God to teach him to control his anger.

Day 42. Pray that God reveals to him the importance to keep himself pure.

Day 43. Pray that God teaches him to be obedient.

Day 44. Pray for God to help him to be aware of what entertains him.

Day 45. Pray for him to fear The Lord.

Day 46. Pray for God to take away any fear of failure.

Day 47. Pray for God to teach him to control the words that come out his mouth.

Day 48. Pray for him to give his dreams and plans to Jesus.

Day 49. Pray for him to rest when it is time to rest.

Day 50. Pray for him to not get discouraged by silly criticism.

Day 51. Pray for him to learn from feedback.

Day 52. Pray for God to show him what The Lord wants for him in his helper.

Day 53. Pray for him to use his resources.

Day 54. Pray for him to take that big step he has feared.

Day 55. Pray for him to have peace.

Day 56. Pray for his passion and motivation to keep going so that he won’t get burned out.

Day 57. Pray for God to open his eyes to those who are good soil for his ministry.

Day 58. Pray for him to have a personal cheerleader while you are not with him.

Day 59. Pray that God will protect him from people that won’t do any good in his life.

Day 60. Pray for him to trust God.

Day 61. Pray that he doesn’t find joy in arguing.

Day 62. Pray for no pride in his heart.

Day 63. Pray that God is teaching him to imitate Christ’s humility.

Day 64. Pray that he has joy with what God has already given him.

Day 65. Pray that God is teaching him to forgive.

Day 66. Pray for God to teach him to protect his reputation.

Day 67. Pray that God teaches him what being successful is really about.

Day 68. Pray that God is teaching him to be an authority that represents Christ.

Day 69. Pray that God is teaching him about the importance to obey Him.

Day 70. Pray that his faith increases.

Day 71. Pray that God will teach him to be thankful for what he has.

Day 72. Pray that God will teach him how to focus.

Day 73. Pray that God gives him a desire to serve those who are under his leadership.

Day 74. Pray that God takes any fear of commitment away from his mind.

Day 75. Pray that God helps him forget of any memory that is stopping him from being the man of God created him to be.

Day 76. Pray that God will protect his dreams at night.

Day 77. Pray that he would feel, understand and even accept Gods love for him.

Day 78. Pray that God teaches him to love mundane tasks.

I don’t need your help


Hey there! It’s been a while! 

I am BEYOND blessed by the amount of people who care about me and wish to see me in a relationship. Many of you introduce me to awesome guys. Many of you want me to date your relatives. Many of you feel connected to me by just reading these blogs and feel that I am the most unhappy person ever so you set up dates for me. 

I love that you want to see me happy!!! 

But… you are not helping. 

Did you know that I have no difficulties to get guys attention?

Did you know that I get asked out very often?

Did you know that there is always a “proposal” waiting for me to say “yes” to just because of everything I write here or on Facebook ?

It sounds like I am bragging!! I promise I am not! 

My problem is not the lack of men. 

My problem is the lack of Christian men wanting something with me.

I really believe that marriage is not JUST about having sex with a man and feeling needed by someone…BUT it’s a partnership to accomplish a bigger mission…To leave a legacy that will expand the Kingdom of God.

God knows more than anyone what I say with my tears at night.

God knows more than anyone what I think when I meet a guy.

God knows more than anyone INCLUDING MYSELF what I really need.

No, I will not find my husband on a dating site. He is not an object I can pick out of a catalog. (I have a really strong opinion on dating sites. Sorry!)

No, I will not find my husband at a bar. I don’t date drunk guys.

My husband (or at least the guy I really want to date and marry) will be out there doing something for our Lord!!!

I REFUSE to date guys that don’t get shaken up when they think of Jesus dying on a cross for them.

I REFUSE to date guys that just go to church but don’t serve.

I REFUSE to date guys that don’t have an specific call from God because they haven’t heard a need or whatever.

I REFUSE to date guys that are not disciplining people.

I REFUSE to date guys that don’t live by faith.

I REFUSE to date guys that have a CASUAL VIEW OF GOD. 

I believe Genesis 2:18. I want to be someone’s suitable helper!!! THATS MY BIGGEST DESIRE!!! 

I want to help my man with things of the Lord. I don’t just want a husband that goes to work, comes to church with me and doesn’t disciple anyone. 

I want to live dangerously!!! 

I want to live a life that makes no sense!!!

I want to live a life that will show people that God is a provider, that God hears our prayers, and that will give Him glory!!! 

So don’t set me up with your cousins, brothers, uncles and even dads. (Yeah I like them a bit older) 

Don’t!! Don’t set me up with them unless he is already living a dangerously life for Christ!!! A life with big plans to expand the kingdom of Our Father!!! 

Because I know myself… 

and I know what I want… 
And I REFUSE to settle for less. 

I survived Valentine’s Day…

I survived! 

It’s all good!

Way different feeling than last years for sure! Still no man but I didn’t even feel it! 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was going thru my writings and I found what I wrote last year. 

I felt it was a good idea to share with you all what I wrote last year. So here it is! 👇🏻

How was your Valentine’s Day? 

I hope it was a good one!

Yes, my day was full of ministry… And I loved it!! Yes, I didn’t get anything from anyone on Valentine’s Day. But it’s ok! 

I got my Daddy’s favor and He let me do ministry today. And THAT, right now, is what keeps me smiling! Keeps me trusting! Keeps me hoping! Keeps me praying while waiting! 

(See what I did there! Haha I added my hashtag without the #… Now that’s cool!)

I know some of you were HOPING that suddenly your crush OR a nice man of God would wake up today feeling all kinds of feelings for you and ask you out… Or maybe send you flowers… Or a big teddy bear… Or even chocolates!!! OR a beautiful flower arrangement with an “anonymous” note! Gosh! Even a cute text would have been nice! Haha I know I was! 

I know some of you were PRAYING that something amazing would happened today. Maybe like this guy you know and you appreciate finally told you everything he feels for you! You know? Like in the movies when the “friend” finally confesses his love for you and BAM! There is your story!!! I know I was!!! 

I know some of you were TRUSTING that all your praying would do something in your guy. Well… mainly because you know what your Heavenly Father is capable of doing! He could change everything in seconds if He wanted to! I know I was!!!

You know what I tell myself? 

I always tell myself…

“Esli, maybe this is your last Valentine’s Day alone! Maybe next year!!!” 

If you are crying at this point while reading this… You are good!! I am crying with you! 

I am sending you tons of hugs and I am praying for you! 

I have had way too many of these Valentine’s Days to know exactly what you are feeling! Or at least have an idea! 

Here is what my biggest fear is…

That you will get mad at God! 

That you somehow would blame Him of your pain. 

That somehow you wont wanna worship Him or pray to Him or sing to Him because you are mad at Him.

I did. 

After I got rejected (the guy picked another woman and married her) I felt like God totally left me out of the blessing of marrying such an amazing man of God. 

I remember telling God “ok, you are obviously not listening to my prayers… So I am just gonna go get me a husband myself!” 

It was the lowest point in my life. It only took 9 months of me dating everything that moved and had sex with anyone that said the “right” things to me to realize that I felt worse! 

Every time I was more unhappy… Bitter… 

I felt dirty! 

I felt used!

I felt oh so EMPTY!!! 

Oh yeah! …and I never got a husband! 

I sometimes look back at those months and I wanna kick myself… Or slap myself super hard!!! 

But it was good for me to experience so that I could see that having tons of dates wasn’t what I needed in my life.

I am not saying “ok ladies! Go ahead and experience it for yourself!” Gosh! No no no no!!! I really wish that by me sharing this would be enough and that you wouldn’t make the same mistakes I made!

I don’t know why I am still single. I mean I know I am NOT perfect but you know what I mean… I sometimes think that it is so I can encourage other single women out there. 

I HONESTLY cannot understand why YOU are single! 

And gosh! I pray that my words comfort you tonight! 

I really hope and pray that I say words that will encourage you and LOVE Jesus more!!! 

But this is what I do understand…

That if you have a relationship with your Father and you are being obedient to His voice. You pray to Him. You read His word. You make disciples. You seek His face…

If you are all about your Heavenly Father…

You being single right now is part of His plan. 

And I know you know this verse so well mainly because its EVERYWHERE… 

Now… Read it tho… Read each of the words and really mediate on it… We tend to just scan Bible verses. 

Jeremiah 29:11

Remember, God can change everything in seconds… Don’t give up HOPE. The enemy wants that! 

The enemy is an idiot! Don’t listen to him tonight! 

You are amazing!!! 

You are worth it!!! 

You are your Father’s princess!!! 

You are gonna be an amazing wife one day!!!! 

But now…

Focus on what God is asking of you… And right now… If you are single, 

BE THE BEST CHRISTIAN SINGLE LADY THAT IS OUT THERE!!! KICK BUTT SIS!!!! 

I know you can do it! 😉

I love you! 

#prayingwhilewaiting

All I want is a burrito! 

It’s raining! 

My jacket is wet. My shoes are wet also. I am in a bus on my way to an orphanage. We had to walk almost a mile and cross the border to Tijuana where the orphanage is. I am listening to music wearing my headphones because I cannot stand Mexican (accordion or Banda) music and the noises the bus makes my ears hurt. I am typing this blog on my phone like almost all my blogs. Everybody seems excited to get to the orphanage. People are talking and here I am sitting alone in the seat. I might look like I am antisocial. Did I paint a picture for you? 

I am happy! 

I woke up with a bleh attitude but right now I am happy! I am smiling! I am excited to spend my day off in an orphanage. I have made some friends I really care about. 

I find meaning in things I do, how I spend my days, who I minister to, who I hang out with… 

There is a reason why I am still breathing. I know there is stuff for me to do here on earth. 

I am content with my life. 

Let me tell you a little bit about it… for those who don’t know me…

I oversee all the MicroSites for the Rock Church (www.sdrock.com/MicroSites). MicroSites are tiny churches all over San Diego where we take a big screen, projector and speakers and we have church with people on the streets. We live stream our services and that’s how we take The Rock church everywhere! I know! So cool! 😉

I also teach the women at The Rock church Hiking Ministry. Such a GREAT ministry!!! Such an awesome family! Many singles there… just saying! 😍(www.sdrock.com/hiking)

And I also help at #Unity4Orphans ❤️

We go twice every month to different orphanages and love the crap out of children! (Www.unity4orphans.com) 

Today, we are going to my favorite orphanage. I get to love this little one that has my heart!!! A 9 month baby who I love kissing, feeding, hugging, making him laugh and even change his diaper!! 

And the most important thing about my life is that I love Jesus Christ and He loves me back! I have a direct connection with Him. I talk to Him every day… all day! He talks to me! I try to obey His commands as much as I can! AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I WISH I COULD BE HOME WITH HIM TODAY!!! 

No, I am not being suicidal or anything like that… I just know what I was made for and what my future looks like because of what Jesus did in a cross for me. 

This is me! 

This is Esli! 

I don’t want anything right now! 

I don’t need anything else right now! 

Although, one of my friends was eating a burrito with coffee that looked really good!!! I could use a burrito right now…

Yum!! A burrito!!!

I know I write about Praying While Waiting.

I know I write about crushes. I know it looks like I am in constant look out for my husband. BUT I am not. 

Did you know that most of my stories are just inspired by people I minister to?

Did you know that some of the blogs I post here were written a LONG time ago? 

Did you know that I had to buy more iCloud space because the amount of writings I have in my phone? 

Do I fall for guys? 

Oh heck yeah! 

Specially the ones with a beard! 😍

I don’t know. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 🐻

Am I talking to someone right now? 

Yeah… I am currently talking to a guy. 

Do I see a future?

Not really! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why am I still talking to him?

Because for some odd reason he is in my life! 

Am I specting to make an impact in his life? 

ABSOLUTELY!!! 

That’s my life’s mission!!! 
All I want right now is a burrito!

Ah a surf and turf burrito sounds pretty amazing!! 

Seriously, I am getting hungry! 
Do I want a serious relationship? 

YES!! One day… right now tho… 

I don’t know! 

The reason why I don’t know is because I cannot afford to fall in love with a dream. I cannot fall in love with someone who only lives in my head. I’ve done that way too many times. 

What do I mean?

You know how you start to think or crush on someone and in your mind that person is just perfect but then the love either fades away or it forces you to get over it and you see the guy for who he really is and you are like… 

“uh… who are you? In my head, you were perfect!”

I can’t keep fantasizing on something that is just one way. Something where there is love going out from me but no love coming in my way.

Now, I want to fall in love with someone imperfect. I wanna fall in love with someone that is real!

And this time, I want to be the one that’s being pursued. I want him to make the first move. Pray for me! It’s so difficult for me to really just stay put and let the guy make the moves. But for once… I want something different. 

I want to be wanted!

I want someone to want me the way I want a burrito right now!!!! 

#Prayingwhilewaiting

oh feelings…

img_6847

Feelings are real!

They can ruin your day or make it the best day ever!

Today, I wanna encourage you to have feelings!

I know, I sound kinda weird…

But keep reading!

One of my girls was not having a good day.

And when we were texting, she texted me this:

“I don’t even understand why it makes my heart so heavy. It was a crush.” 

Crushes are a serious thing!

I don’t know you but I take them seriously!

I am one of those “all in” kinda girl!

When I love, I love full force!

When I care, I do it without thinking of myself.

When I crush, Oh my gosh!! 😳

AND I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE THE SAME AS ME!!! I know a lot of you love with all of you! I know a lot of you care with all your heart!! So…

Treat a crush like a serious thing!

Don’t let others tell you how to feel.

Don’t let others tell you that your situation is small!

Don’t let others tell you that a crush is nothing!

It’s ok to feel! Just don’t sin when feeling!!!

It seriously bothers me when you ladies tell me stuff like:

“I know he is just a crush and it’s stupid! I have never really talked to him but it hurt me seeing him with that girl!” 

NO! ITS NOT STUPID!!!!

“I feel so dumb! We are not even dating!”

NO! YOU ARE NOT DUMB!!!

If it is affecting your emotions, it means it is important for you.

And if it is important to you, you don’t think it’s important to a Heavenly Father who is MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOU??!!!???

(Psalm 8:4)

And you know how I am gonna finish this blog… Right?

Yup… Pray!

Please show HIM (God) your feelings when talking to God! Tell HIM about them!

Tel HIM what you feel and why. He already knows but HE wants HIS little princess to come to HIM and vent with HIM.

HE is a good good FATHER!!!

I love you!

#prayingwhilewaiting