The way he stands next to me…

Hey Ladies!

Yesterday, I went to Universal Studios Hollywood. Oh I had so much fun. I absolutely love movies so this was just a great trip!

The rides are so fun and the food in City Walk is just delicious!

Today, I want to talk to you about something really dumb but the whole time God kept talking to me about it. I know it was God because of what it sounded like.

So go back to the video and watch the love of my life, my one and only, the owner of my dreams… Vin Diesel. Watch the way he gets close to the character Letty.

Ok go back and I will wait for you here…

Back?

He is dreamy isn’t he?

Ok, ok uh stop agreeing and back off he is mine!!!

Ok… let’s go back to the nonverbal communication there.

Really simple… he gets super close to her. No hugs. No kisses. Just close. Right?

So I should explain that this video was taken by me even tho I was told not to. BUT MY GOODNESS!! I knew Vin Diesel was going to be there!!! I had to take at least a quick picture. What you see is a hologram of the characters. They look really life like. It was hard not to think that he was actually there. So if you see that my camera is not pointing to the whole group and well it’s just bad recording… now you know that I was hiding my phone.

Ok now… when I was watching this thing, of course my eyes were directed to My Man. So it was easy for me to see his body language. I was admiring him. I still have no idea what the story is about…AND THE MOMENT he got super close to Letty The Lord reminded me of this new guy I have been praying for…

He does this to me all the time… AND I always think it is kinda sweet and nice but I never really thought about it until I saw it in my Vin Diesel.

You are probably thinking… ok when are you getting to the reason for this post… well I am trying to get there… so stop thinking stuff to yourself.

You see… text book tells us that this kind of behavior is a very primitive one. Guys tend to do these kind of behaviors… that in my mind make them super cute.

So this body language is saying to the rest of the people: “She is mine” “I will hurt you if you get close” “I am not going anywhere” “you have no chance with her” among other things…and to her, he is saying: “you are mine” “you are valuable” “I am here” “I want you close” “I don’t care who is watching, I choose you” among other things.

I haven’t felt wanted or desired by someone who I also felt the same way in a long time. I wanted and desired the guy and the guy never did.

So having this happen to me gave me the “this is different” kinda feel. I keep having second thoughts about this new guy. I keep thinking that I shouldn’t go with it. I have mixed feelings… new guy… new people… new habits… new humor… new environments… new everything. I am so used to the old. I still love the old. So the new makes me uneasy…

until God said something.

This is what The Lord was telling me and I am sure He wants you to hear as well…

God loves you!

He reminded me that I was His daughter… a Princess. He wants me to be with a guy that treats me as His daughter. As something valuable… more valuable than rubies. As something fragile. As something important. He reminded me that He wants the best for me. He wants me to feel loved. He wants me to feel cared for. He wants me to feel protected. He wants me to feel desired. He reminded me of who I am. How I was made. What I am good for, what I can do, what I have done. To God, I am a pretty big deal. So he asked “why are you not with someone that thinks you are pretty big deal?”

This new guy is super sweet. He stands so close to me that makes me feel so small, so protected, so cared for, so important… a pretty big deal. I thank God for him.

Sis, maybe you are in the same boat as me and you keep pushing away a pretty amazing guy. Maybe you keep going to the same kind of guy, the kind that just makes you cry, or sad, or feel unworthy. Maybe you don’t feel like you deserve someone like “Dominic”.

I just want to encourage you to learn to see yourself as a pretty big deal. God already sees you like that why don’t you?

#prayingwhilewaiting

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The 3 guys had this in common…

Ah! Easter! I love Easter!

Not only because the cold weather is leaving and the warm weather is making its random appearances but because we remember the greatest act of love!!! Jesus dying for me… and you too but you know this is all about me.

Kidding of course!!!

I get all the feels when I think of it. AND THIS IS WHY I wanted to write this blog.

I wanted to let you in a little sign my Heavenly Father and I have when “picking” guys.

Don’t worry! Me telling you this won’t hurt my judgement when picking the next guy. I know when it’s fake. I will explain what it feels like when it feels fake.

Ok, so if you are a reader of my blogs you by now know that have been three guys in my life. And by “in my life” I mean they changed me in big ways… some of them I dated… some of them I didn’t. BUT my goodness they are markers for my life and my walk with The Lord.

As you also might know is that I don’t date or fall for just anyone. So God and I have this thing that gives me the green light…BUT the sign is just an “ok, my daughter he is safe!” BUT the guy has free will. This sign doesn’t tell me he will be my husband. This just tells me he is safe for me to “pursue” and you all know what it looks like for me to pursue right? I pray the list for him. After I see this sign I go full force meaning praying for him, studying him, looking for patterns… it’s a science.That’s how I pursue guys.

Ok now that I have explained this, we can get to what the sign is.

So when I meet a Christian guy that I can see myself being his helper, I ask for the sign. And the sign is the guy sharing Jesus dying on the cross, BUT the way he says it has a lot to do! If he gets emotional about it… then it’s a green light.

Here is the beauty of this sign… I remember the three guys telling the story and the three of them LOOKED and SOUNDED different BUT THEY FELT the same.

I have heard guys tell the story and felt nothing. I remember a guy sharing about Jesus getting whipped and ended up comparing it to his CrossFit WOD! Ugh!

I felt nothing!

And I know I know! I always tell you that feelings are not a way to measure anything but this “feeling” comes from the Holy Spirit! This feeling is almost like an activation that happens in my heart when I see a guy so on fire for Christ! Its just different!

You see girls…IF THE GUY DOESNT LOVE JESUS MORE THAN YOU, RUN!

What’s the point of dating a guy that knows (WITH HIS HEAD) the story of Jesus dying for him but has a heart disconnected to what really happened?

A guy that loves Jesus more than you is a guy that will ask you to do difficult things for Christ. A guy that loves Jesus more than you will protect your walk with Him. A guy that loves Jesus more than you will not be stopped BY YOU!

I’ve seen TONS of guys on fire for God and the moment they get a girlfriend, the moment they get cold. The moment that focus their attention on the girlfriend and their mission focus goes to second place.

Girls! And just like that LOVE JESUS MORE THAN THE GUY YOU THINK YOU LOVE. Fix your eyes on Jesus.

Fall in love with a guy that gets that warm feeling when talking about Jesus. That guy is worth it!

#prayingwhilewaiting

just…

IMG_5315

On Monday, I was teaching at Rock School of Ministry. My church has a discipleship school and I have the huge honor to be one of the teachers there.

I don’t know how in the world I am the one teaching but often God puts in me in situations like this one.

Anyways… that’s another blog for another day…

We were talking about John 15:12-14. It says:

12 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command.

I was teaching them how clearly shows the agape love Jesus has for us. AGAPE means unconditional, sacrificial, and selfless. You can Google more about it or go to Rock School of Ministry to hear my whole class.

In verse 12, you can see the unconditional part of agape. Love other like I loved you. No questions asked. No conditions. No matter how they love you back. No matter what they did and no matter what there intentions are… In verse 13, you can see the sacrificial part of the agape. There is no greater love than that one of that person that will die for you. OK, I am not saying to go and just die for someone just to prove your love BUT how about you sacrifice a few minutes of your busy schedule to pray for that one… how about you sacrifice your own desires for the other person’s. How about you think of them first? How about you serve them? In verse 14, Jesus sounds a bit bossy no? BUT if you do what He commands wouldn’t it show selflessness. That’s the last part of the agape love. Not your agenda. Not your expectations. Not your hopes.

In class, I got a few questions… “do we have to agape love everyone?” “How do we agape love everyone?” It was a fun class…

It was great until I brought up the whole “get to really know people so you can truly experience how to agape someone”.

When you really get to know someone, you get to see his or her faults. You get to see their brokenness. You get to find the ugly we all have. You get to see that after all, he or she wasn’t so perfect.

You see? It’s super easy to “agape” love someone when you don’t really know them. But is it truly agape… is it truly unconditional?… is it truly sacrificial?… is it truly selfless?

I don’t know you but the more I get to know someone the more I see their baggage and the more I have to put my grace pants on and love.

OK… Can we talk about your dude now? I know you have been thinking about him ever since you started reading… or “her” if you are one of those guys that like to read these… no judgment! You are welcome here! Wink wink!

Are you loving him AGAPE?

Oh I know it’s hard! I’ve been there before.

Thank God I am taking a break from this game called love, so when I get to play this game again, I will be ready to kill it! Not literally of course.

Are you showing him love just to end up with him? Are you showing him love just so he can notice you? Are you showing him love just because he is cute?

What does you showing love look like?

There is something so strong about knowing someone’s garbage and still CHOOSE to love still. Loving AGAPE is knowing what button to push to destroy him or her and deciding to NEVER push that button!

So if you don’t know that guy you are crushing for, you are wasting your time. Get to know him, study him, recognize patterns… and with that you will learn about yourself too… are you willing to love after everything you find out? Dum Dum DUM!

Here is what I told some of the students that I talked to after class… AND I HOPE YOU GET SOMETHING OUT OF THIS!

Just love. You love first. You love better. You love more. You don’t stop! Because I really believe that if I leave this classroom and I get hit by a truck… I die and go to heaven. I want my Abba to tell me… Good job loving (Vin Diesel in my case) my daughter! Because of how well you represented my love for him, because of all those long nights praying, because of all those fasting days for him to not get distracted, because of all those sacrifices, because of all those moments when you didn’t give up even though it never went the way you wanted to go… because you interceded for him… he grew closer to me will be coming later to spend eternity with me! AND that! THAT ALONE is the reason why I AGAPE!

#prayingwhilewaiting

P.S. I don’t know if Vin Diesel is now saved. I don’t think so. I only use him when I have nobody else to talk about. He has been the love of my life since 2009.

“Stop!”

I recently was fasting and praying for God to show me some direction.

Here is what’s going on with me…

Here is what the desire of my heart is… AS YOU KNOW I wish to be in a relationship. Maybe not married yet…(I do have some fear of commitment… but I am willing to see where it goes!)

I just want to have a partnership with an amazing man of God where we can do ministry together. Where I can be his helper and work with him for our Father. I wanna have the skills that he doesn’t in order to complete him. I wanna be in a partnership with someone that is strong without me BUT stronger with me. So when we unite is like you have two massive turbo engines that will make life really fun and interesting… and STRONG AS HECK WHEN IT COMES TO EXPAND THE KINGDOM OF THE LORD.

That’s really all I want. Seriously.

Hope is something I have a lot of. I tend to expect from my ABBA everyday. My Heavenly Father and I speak everyday and He knows what’s up with my desire. Oh believe me… I ask often.

So with this fast, I went in with a sore heart and disappointment because I am exhausted of the waiting. It’s like waking up everyday thinking is Christmas and I ran to the Christmas tree (or where the Christmas tree should be) and I find NOTHING. So I went in telling God that if I needed to wait more I would BUT I NEEDED TO HEAR FROM HIM. I was in desperate need of His voice to keep going… or to leave the place I am in and join another ministry where I can be found or to… I don’t know! MAN I JUST NEEDED DIRECTION.

I went around seeking wise counsel but everything I heard seemed like they all had the logic thing to do and the easy way out… but when talking to my Father I ALWAYS felt like that was not it!

Until I met with one of my mentors and he shared this story with me. He made me mediate on this passage.

It’s in 2 Kings 13:14-20.

Here read it for yourselves and I will be sharing what The Lord told me.

“When Elisha was in his last illness, King Jehoash of Israel visited him and wept over him. “My father! My father! I see the chariots and charioteers of Israel!” he cried. Elisha told him, “Get a bow and some arrows.” And the king did as he was told. Elisha told him, “Put your hand on the bow,” and Elisha laid his own hands on the king’s hands. Then he commanded, “Open that eastern window,” and he opened it. Then he said, “Shoot!” So he shot an arrow. Elisha proclaimed, “This is the Lord’s arrow, an arrow of victory over Aram, for you will completely conquer the Arameans at Aphek.” Then he said, “Now pick up the other arrows and strike them against the ground.” So the king picked them up and struck the ground three times. But the man of God was angry with him. “You should have struck the ground five or six times!” he exclaimed. “Then you would have beaten Aram until it was entirely destroyed. Now you will be victorious only three times.” Then Elisha died and was buried…”

2 Kings 13:14-20 NLT

Kinda weird huh?

So this dude Jehoash came to Elisha to get help. Just like I went to get help from my God.

Now… I want you to pay attention on how confusing might have been to interact with Elisha. Elisha was about to die so it makes me think that he was probably in bed talking soft. Yeah… that’s how I picture people when they are dying. I don’t know!

So Elisha tells Jehoash to get a bow and some arrows. We don’t know how many correct? And then to open the eastern window… let’s stop there. Eastern? Where is that?! See if I was Jehoash I would be sooooooo confused. I mean… sometimes I don’t know which one is the left of the right… anyone like me?

So eastern? I don’t know!!!!

Anyways… Jehoash opened the window and shoot the arrow just like he was told. And the Elisha told him that the arrow was the Lords arrow and an arrow of victory so in other words that he would defeat his enemies ok… are we all good in the story here?

Then it got tricky… then Elisha said pick up the arrows and strike them to the ground. Ok what? Again, if I was Jehoash this is what I would have said:

“Excuse me Elisha, what am I doing again? Strike them? Like with my hands? But what if they break? What if I get hurt? Like… in a angry way?”

Jehoash without asking any questions did as he was told but he only stroke 3 arrows!!! And guess what? Well you don’t need to guess you already read the story… Elisha got mad!!! And asked: “why didn’t you keep striking arrows?!?!” He was all like: “why only three?!” And because he only stroke 3, he would only win those 3 times.

Man! Hard stuff huh? I mean, how was Jehoash supposed to know how many were enough? How was Jehoash supposed to know what to do with such of poor directions?

Anyone else think this is kinda messed up?

Then Elisha died!! With no way to get like a do-over!

So during the fast I asked for some clarification. I wanted to know why this passage. And oh did I get my answer.

I came to the fast sore, broken, angry and exhausted. I had just spent another holidays alone. No boyfriend… just the same good old family. Same good old experience. I went to a couple parties but no man of God that thought I was good enough. What else is new right?

So here is what the Lord told me and I HOPE AND PRAY THIS SPEAKS TO YOU AS WELL!!!

I came confused just like Jehoash was… I thought I was doing as God was telling me to do but where is eastern again? Am I supposed to love even when I am not loved back? Am I supposed to keep waiting to be found? What if I went instead and signed up to online dating. Heck! I would be part of a catalog right? What if someone swipes right? Or is it left? (Don’t worry! I didn’t get that desperate. I am not in an online dating app.)

Again… I thought I was doing what God was telling me to do. But I was only doing the 3 strike thing.

The Lord revealed to me that the problem with Jehoash was that his heart wasn’t in it! The Lord taught me that he was not fully committed to what Elisha told him to do. Imagine if Jehoash stroke those arrows one by one as hard as he could and then when the arrows broke, he picked the pieces of arrows and kept going striking pieces over and over and over again. Elisha would have been happy right? Talk about commitment! What if he would have gone at it until Elisha said: “Yo Jehoash! That’s enough! You made a point!” That’s a whole different heart than the one that only stroke three arrows.

The Lord spoke to my heart and He said: “You need to have a heart that is fully committed to do what I am asking for you to do! You strike those arrows until I say STOP! Even when my instructions make no sense!

Sis, He loves you HE WILL STOP YOU WHEN YOU NEED TO BE STOPPED. He will rescue you from yourself.

So IF AND ONLY IF you feel like the Lord is telling you to love even when you are not loved back… you LOVE the heck out of that person WITHOUT COMPLAINING.

So IF AND ONLY IF you feel like the Lord is telling you to wait for the guy to make a move… you wait with a happy heart WITHOUT COMPLAINING.

So IF AND ONLY IF you feel like the Lord is telling you to not date anyone for some time… you don’t date anyone until hear otherwise WITHOUT COMPLAINING.

But the trick here is that you make sure it’s your Father! You make sure you are talking to Him!

You don’t stop striking arrows or pieces of arrows until he says “STOP MY DAUGHTER! You made your point!”

He will rescue you from yourself!

I love you!

#prayingwhilewaiting

Always that road!

I always pick the hardest road!

This blog might not be super relatable but I sincerely hope that somehow God speaks to you with this… since it is Him who I think wants me to write about this!

I don’t know if you are anything like me but if you are, you probably feel like you live a difficult life.

Finding a boyfriend is difficult. Friendships are difficult. Your career is difficult.

No, just me?

I was complaining to God the other day about how my life has always been so difficult!!! And even today is so difficult!!! Being Esli yall is something! 💁🏼‍♀️

I was mad at God because here I am doing as good as I can… worshiping always, working hard, obeying his commands and all that good Christian life stuff… and the husband is nowhere to be found. The one prayer request I have not gotten an answer for. And I see some girls getting boyfriend after boyfriend and guys attention and all they do is go to the gym, put make up on and post semi-naked pictures on Instagram!!! What the heck right?!?! Here I am witnessing to single women thru this blog that is being read in 22 countries, giving my free time to orphans and helping starting churches all over San Diego and Tijuana… and trying to eat healthy and get to the pool in these cold days! Give this girl a break!!! Life is unfair yo!

Yeah… there are moments when the ugly in Esli comes out and thinks like this… oh what? You don’t have those moments? Liar!

As I am shaking my fist to God, He quickly reminded me about how I have always done life in a difficult way.

Asking my mom some questions I realized I have gone the difficult way since I was 8 months old.

According to my mom’s records, I started walking when I was 8 months!!!! 8 months!!!!

I went to my first karate class when I was 4 years old!!! My mom says that I was so into the teenage mutant ninjas turtles that all I wanted to do was KARATE!!! 🥋🤛🏻

When I was in elementary, I made it to the flag escort in my school. I remember that was difficult, but I made it because I wanted to be it!!!

My grades needed to be perfect and I had to learn all kinds of stuff about the Mexican flag 🇲🇽 and history.

When I was 13 and I had decided to love my dad (biological) (which was also difficult but I REALLY do not wanna get into that) I remember that one trip I had with him where we went fishing 🎣 and hunting 🙊.

It was difficult because one I did not like him (I was just getting to know him) and two killing animals was not in me per say… I still love steaks tho!

Shooting a rifle was hard but I got it after a couple of tries!!! And I had a really cool relationship with my dad after that trip!

Then when in high school, I picked to be working on my associate degree in Pharmaceutical Chemical Biology because that would give me better chances to get into medicine school. Oh yeah! I picked to be a doctor 👩‍⚕️ every time they asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up.

Then when I was in college, after the medicine School deal didn’t come to be, I started working at Americorps and they asked me to pick which school I wanted to work at and I picked the School with the multiple-disability classroom.

I helped there and that’s how I needed up as a ABA therapist.

When I was an ABA therapist, I always picked the most difficult cases because I REALLY wanted to make a difference in a kids life! I had cases where I ended up in the ER because of injuries.

How I needed up working with Nick Vujicic and in the Joni and Friends institute, that’s a whole story about how difficult that was!!!

And even if you look at the guys I have been super in love with, there is some sort of level of difficulty in them as well.

All of these random stories just to tell you that I ALWAYS PICK THE DIFFICULT ROAD.

And the Lord quickly reminded me of all the people that has been impacted by my work, by my choices and by being just me.

Remembering all those “difficult choices or experiences” I realized that maybe it didn’t happen like being a doctor or dating the impressive guy… BUT ALL OF IT WAS A PREPARATION FOR WHATS COMING!!!

I love all those difficult choices, even the karate lessons I cannot remember! I like challenging experiences. I like challenging people!

And the moment that I complain to God about how difficult my life is, I will quickly remember how freaking amazing my life has been because I always challenged myself!!!

Dear future husband, I have all kinds of experiences to help me deal with you wink wink. I just hope you can deal with me! I still want to swim with great white sharks, learn how to drive a stick shift, milk a cow, sing with the watoto kids and I want us to have 6 kids! What do you think?

Miss Alpha now. Mrs. Alpha someday…

I don’t know if this post is going to be relatable at all.

I don’t know if you feel anything like I do.

I have been holding on this post for a while… But I feel like today is a good day to post it.

Watch this video first and then we shall talk:

https://youtu.be/VHsGhWYxjkk

First. Yup! That’s the love of my life. The one that has ownership of my heart since the first Fast and Furious movie. Ok ok… I am totally joking. It’s not like I am “in love” for reals. I just love what he represents.

Vin Diesel

Ah! If you are anything like me and love those movies, I know I know… not the cleanest movies since there are always women in hardly any clothes, random and pointless sex scenes and songs that they don’t necessarily give Glory to God… BUT the cars that speed, guns, cool guys, and terrible acting… cmon! They are awesome!!… action movies are my thing!

Anyways… if you are anything like me you know that Vin Diesel is the jefe. The boss for those who don’t know Spanish. 🤷🏼‍♀️

He is the alpha dude that has the vision, the plan, the authority, the experience, the one that everybody listens to… He is the head of every operation. He is a true alpha.

Then there is Letty… his girlfriend or whatever 😑 She is an alpha as well. You see… they are both so freakishly strong which makes the “family” a very strong one. She always goes for whatever Dominic (Vin Diesel) says. However she can kick butt all by herself.

She can manage the whole team/family if she wanted to but she doesn’t. She follows his lead.

I identify with movies like these ones. I get Inspiration with movies like these ones. This team you see in this movie have a mission in mind. I cannot remember what the actual mission is but they have something they have to do. Lets face it. These movies are not the best ones and usually their mission is kinda dumb BUT they have a mission.

I want exactly what Letty has.

I want a relationship with someone who is an alpha. I want to be in a relationship with someone who is already doing something for God. I want someone who is all deep in it!

I relate with Letty. I do. I mean… I have kicked butt all by myself ALL OF MY LIFE. I am where I am because of The Lord and because I took every opportunity He gave me. I have never needed any guy to get where I am.

I am truly an alpha. I don’t need anyone… BUT I WANT SOMEONE.

You see, I can go to Tijuana and have a MicroSite two blocks from the nest of all the cartels. I can go where all the prostitutes are and minister to them while their pimp is screaming at me to stop. I can face people like that guy called La Rana and not show any fear. I can be in Tijuana all by myself without a car and come back home without a scratch. I CAN DO THAT AND MORE!

I don’t need anyone checking on me but… I WANT SOMEONE CHECKING ON ME.

“Did you make it home safe?”

“Let me pick you up!”

“Text me when you get home”

“Text me when you get in the Uber”

“No, I got it!”

“How can I pray for you?”

“No Esli, I am bringing the food!”

I need someone to teach me to that I don’t have to be Miss independent and Miss Alpha ALL THE TIME. I have been doing it for a long time.

You see… I will always be me. I will always be doing crazy things for God. I can do it alone. I just don’t want to anymore. I am sick of being alone.

In these movies, Vin Diesel always gives a tough job to Letty. He lets her do things as important as what he does. He trusts her. He knows her. He knows she can do it but he always makes sure she is ok. He always makes sure she is safe. He always knows where she is. He always protects her… even when he knows she is ok, he still double checks just to show her he cares.

Yeah… I want that!

#prayingwhilewaiting

I’ve met the love of my life!

I’ve met the love of my life three times.

Does that sound weird to you?

I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t believe in The One. I don’t believe in Mr. Prince Charming. I don’t believe that God has THE ONE FOR ME.

Before I get to explain that last thing I just said… let me share the three love stories that have made an impact in my life.

The first love of my life was a super cool dude. I met him when I was 17 and loving him for almost 7 years was great!! We had so much in common. Ah! I learned so much from this dude! I learned to pray for him. I learned so much about ministry! I learned how to be patient. I learned to lead worship and how to be intimate with God. It was GREAT!!! He is married now. But the second guy was a little bit better…

The second love of my life was a pretty amazing guy!!! I met him when I was 25. I loved him for 4 amazing years!!!! Man! This guy pushed me to do pretty awesome stuff. He saw a side of me I didn’t even know I had. He was a very ministry driven. He always pushed for me to be independent in ministry. He taught me to “figure it out”. He traveled a lot doing God’s work. I was his biggest fan. I mean I am still am. It’s just different. He is married now as well. But goodness the third guy was WAY BETTER!!!

The third guy. Awe! He is just impressive. Challenge after challenge and he (without knowing) pushed me how to grow! This guy is such a passionate man of God. He sacrifices his own comfort in order to do what God is calling him to do. He is super creative and has the best ideas ever. He has a pretty amazing brain. He is quick to forgive. Peacemaker to the bone! With this one… I learned to not be the one in charge. I learned that submit to someone’s authority and be “the helper” instead of the boss is actually more fulfilling!!!! I can speak more freely about this guy because he is not married yet. Haha!

God does not have a perfect guy for me… or for you!

If He did… He would say that in His Word… and then free will wouldn’t exist.

Look at my case. I have fallen in love three times!!! All three times I was sold out for each one of them. I saw myself living the rest of my earthly years with each one of them. To me the three of them were perfect… and to me… I would been the happiest wife/girlfriend ever!!!

But it looked as if God (and this is just my opinion) was just showing Himself to me. Showing me that with each rejection or heart break He would bring something better!!! Every guy is better than the other one. And I really believe that I am getting better and better with each one of them. God used each one of these guys to show me areas where I needed to grow. He is faithful!!!!

So no, I don’t believe that God has THE ONE for me. But I do believe that God brings people in our lives to help us work on areas. I believe that God brings people in your life that would be perfect for you… its up to you to make the move. Hopefully, you make the right move tho…

So sis, if you are stuck with that one guy you love so much… just give God a chance… maybe a better one is coming. Sometimes we have to let go something we want sooooo bad… something we are holding tight… so that our hands can be free for something better. Has God ever done something to hurt you? nah!

Oh how I Praise God for each of the loves of my life!! I really tried my best to be the best they had. Hopefully, me being in their lives was impactful as much they were for my life!!! And in some cases, I now see why I never ended up with them…

Now… hey #4, where is you?!

I can’t wait to meet you! I cannot even picture in my head how you can be better than the other ones… but I am so excited to meet you!!! And hopefully you will be MY LAST love of my life. ❤️

#prayingwhilewaiting

I wanna be “home”


Don't you feel like every guy out there is just waiting for the best next thing?

I do sometimes.

But then… I remember the kind of life we all live now.

Pornography is so accessible. Almost naked pictures of women everywhere!!! Facebook, instagram… they are everywhere!!! Including pictures of you… yeah you who is reading this post… maybe?
Online dating has soooo many apps where women are like an object in a catalog for men to pick from several women… they get to decide if they are good or not good enough and they swipe as rejection… only by looking at outer appearance… sad!

Can you tell how I feel about Online Dating? 😑😒

Ladies!!!

It's so very sad but it's so very true. We live in that!

Don't be discouraged tho.

If you are a Godly woman who strives to do what is right and what brings glory to you Heavenly Father… then my sister… this is your time to shine!!!

This is your time to be the different and rare woman. This is the time where guys find that rare ruby that has that something!! And that something is God in you!!!

Guys will go AND make mistakes AND get lost AND women are going to break their heart… but at the end of the day… They will always want to go where God is. One day a guy is gonna see you and think… "yup, she is home!"

But until then… you shine sister! You shine!! And get some souls to Christ!! That's what you should be focused on… ONLY!!!

#prayingwhilewaiting

I am too sexy for my blog


Ladies!!!

Do you like my title? I thought it was funny. Bear with me.

Sexy is not an adjective I use to describe myself… and it is not one that people use to describe me either.

Let's talk about my body shall we…
No! I am not gonna tell you what it looks like. I am just letting you in my mind.

So… I am always amazed of my body. It tells me when it's hungry. It tells me when it's time to go to the bathroom. It tells me when I am tired. It tells me when I overdid it in the pool. It tells me when I need to go to the surface to get air when swimming underwater. It tells me when I am ovulating and when my period is coming.
Uh… sorry gentlemen! But it's your fault for reading a blog that is intended for women only.

Anyways… God created such a great thing when He created my body!

The inside and the outside of my body is pretty amazing!
I am always amazed by the strength of my legs and my arms. I swim so I am get to experience them at work. The funny thing is that they don't look strong. You know? …like muscular. They are just normal arms and legs but strong as heck!

Of course there are parts of my body that I wish they looked different but at the end of the day I am still amazed by my body.

I was going thru my Facebook and I noticed that some of my female friends are also super amazed by their bodies too. So amazed that they would take pictures of their bodies in almost no clothes to show it off. Maybe cuz it's summer and it's too hot to have full clothes. Or maybe my friends are poor and they don't have clothes. 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is what I want to talk to you about.

Sisters… stop posting pictures of yourselves with almost no clothes.

Have you noticed Princess Kate? Have you seen her outfits?
They are so formal. They are so beautiful also. She is never showing her boobs or butt.

She is a real princess.
Aren't you supposed to be one?

Where did you leave your tiara?

Your Father is the king of kings. Wouldn't you think that you should be/act/talk/dress like one?

Girl, love yourself a little more.
Let's face it. We take pictures with no clothes or barely clothes and post them in social media because we want the guys' attention.

It can be that one guy or many depending of how broken you are! But that's another blog for another day.

Did I say "WE"? Yeah! I have done it! I know what I am talking about!

And I hope you love your body!!! It's a wonderful thing!!!
Just don't be showing something off that is for your man!!!

Let me see if I can paint a picture for you.
When you go on a picnic or eat outside and you have your food in your disposable plate… there is a big chance that flies can get to it unless you cover your plate with a napkin right?

And when you are ready to eat it you just uncover the plate and enjoy your food.

Same thing happens with your body. When you uncover too much of it, the wrong guys, the random guys, the flies get to you.

I know this is a very stupid example… I am hungry.

Here is the thing…
You want for your husband to be the one… THE ONLY ONE to enjoy every inch of your body. You want your future husband to be the only one that knows you… every part of you. What's the point of letting everybody and their grandpa to see your body.

Wouldn't you want to give yourself and only yourself to your husband?

Don't give yourself to a bunch of idiots that will never want anything from you other than to use your pictures to do something not pure (I won't actually call it) or to give yourself to someone that will never want to wifey you!

No brainer!!! You would think…

Ladies… this body gets old and wrinkly. Haven't you seen your grandma naked? Maybe soon! Maybe you would have to help her shower one of these days. I have!

If you get a guy with your body, then you better look the same way EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!
It's just stupid! Pure stupidity!

Proverbs 31:30 says that beauty will not last!!! Even back in the day naked grandmas didn't look too hot.

Love your body BUT most important… love your future husband RIGHT NOW… love him so much that you will let him be the only one that gets to uncover your yummy plate!

Man! I am hungry!

If you are wondering about how to get a good guy without those pictures as bait…
BE A GODLY WOMAN

If your guy is not so sold about a GODLY WOMAN then he is one of those flies I was telling you about.

And before I go… I know a lot of you are wondering…

Yup… I am gonna get food. 😋

#Prayingwhilewaiting

You wanna date me? Here is my checklist! 


Hello guy who is looking at me in a different way, 
First of all… thanks for thinking of me in that way. I am flattered. 

Second of all… you are brave! 

Third of all… there is some stuff you should know about me…

I create lists. Why? I don’t know. They calm my anxieties. They keep me organized. They keep me focused. They keep me productive. Lists is my strategy for everything. My plan for attack usually looks like a list. 

I don’t know if you are anything like me but I know what I want and more important… I know what I need. No, my list has not always looked this way. In fact, The Lord has changed my heart over and over and over and I THANK THE LORD. I would have hated if right now I was married to a super rich, tall, green eyes, guy who had me in a super big home doing nothing. I would probably be empty inside and away from my Father. 

I have an extremely BIG fear of commitment. I do! 

My biggest fear is to marry someone who is wrong for me. 

My biggest fear is to divorce and for my kids to live in a “broken” home or in a home where the mother and the father cannot stand each other. 

My biggest fear is to do the marriage thing wrong. 

See why the prayer list? see why I find the marriage thing something super scary and worth praying for it like a maniac? 

My biggest desire is to leave a legacy in this earth that will continue to bring people to Christ and I would love for the Lord to use my marriage and my offspring for that… besides of all the extra ministry I am hoping to do with my husband. 

I could have been married by now if I didn’t have this list.

So when I post about wanting to be married, I am not lying. Gosh!!! I wish I was married… BUT I WILL NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING. 

I don’t go with my day actively looking for a husband but I AM ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE… thats the difference. 
So… here is what I am looking for… 

ready? you might want to sit down for this one.
Jesus is your first love not me

Oh this is hard for me to say and to even want, but I honestly need for you to love Jesus more than me. I have the tendency to want attention more than I need. I have the tendency to make everything about me. I need you to have a strong desire to do what God calls you to do. I need to know that you will not back down when it comes to God. I need to know that when you and I are doing ministry, you will not give up. You will not give up on the mission. I know you will make mistakes. I will learn along with you. I don’t care about that… but I need to know that you will not fall out of love with Jesus. I REALLY need you to love Him more than me! Because I want you to push me to do things that are going to be scary, difficult and challenging… and I am not going to like BUT they will bring GLORY to our Father!!! I really don’t want to slow you down. And even tho I love getting flowers and the attention, I would rather you keeping me focused on eternity and God’s mission!!! 
You don’t have a casual view of God

I need you to fear the Lord. I need you to be dependent of His word. I need you to want to pray. I need you to see His mission as your mission. I need you to trust Him. I need you to have faith in Him. I need you want to obey Him. 
You will protect me

No, I am not talking about you using your karate moves to kick someone’s butt… although that would be super cool and super sexy… not gonna lie. BUT I mean I need you to protect my walk with the Lord by helping me not to sin, protect my body by respecting it, protect my heart by loving me, protect my mind by encouraging me, protect my feelings by being honest, protecting our home by being the man of the house. 

And that you would protect my ministry by praying for me when I am out in “battle”. 
You will provide for me

Oh provision… 

where do I start?

I need you to provide Biblical correction in my life. I am going to mess up often but I am willing to learn. 

I need you to provide a safe loving and forgiving environment.

I need you to know you will provide for your home. Yup! I like to eat. Yup! I like to have a bed to sleep on. 
You see me the way God sees me

I have way too much baggage. I am severely broken. I have been damaged by rejection SEVERAL times. I have a very low self-esteem that I try to disguise by jokes and laughter. I don’t see myself beautiful… but I see myself as powerful. I do see myself as a strong woman. Don’t be confused by the selfies I constantly take. Remember that I told you I need attention more than I should? I am my worst critic. I am my worst enemy at times. I strive for perfection and I tantrum when I don’t reach it!

This is all I want!!!! This is all I REALLY need. I don’t need the tall guy. I don’t need the green eyes. I don’t need the handsome guy. I NEED the Godly guy. 

This is the part where you disappear. It’s ok… I won’t hold it against you. In fact, if you are not completely sold out by this checklist… please DISAPPEAR!!! 

You might be thinking. “Geez Esli, all I wanted was to date you not marry you!” 

I get it! 

I don’t want to marry right away. Remember how afraid of commitment I am? But what’s the point then?

I have no time for distractions!!! There way too many places where a MicroSite can be planted!! There are way too many people dying and going to hell. There are way to many orphans that need agape love. There are way too many single women discouraged and not focusing on what real life is all about. I HAVE A LOT TO DO. So please yeah… leave! My Father’s glory is at stake!!! 

And also… I know dating someone who is constantly posting her thoughts on blogs and social media is toooooo MUCH to ask… but THIS is one of my missions for right now and I am not backing down. 
BONUS PART

Words mean nothing to me. I need actions. 

I don’t know how to process words. 

I am told that I am nice, awesome, and even beautiful… 

then why am I single? 

By you telling me how awesome you are, what you are good at, and how much you love Christ… you are making me trust you less… I need to see it for myself. 
Ladies!!! 

I hope you get inspired by this checklist. 

And I pray that you look at yours and take all the physical appearance crap out of it. That’s pure flesh. That’s your lust. All the material stuff that will not help you with your sanctification. 

But fill your list with things that will help you be a better you…A more Godly you.