I survived Valentine’s Day…

I survived! 

It’s all good!

Way different feeling than last years for sure! Still no man but I didn’t even feel it! 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was going thru my writings and I found what I wrote last year. 

I felt it was a good idea to share with you all what I wrote last year. So here it is! 👇🏻

How was your Valentine’s Day? 

I hope it was a good one!

Yes, my day was full of ministry… And I loved it!! Yes, I didn’t get anything from anyone on Valentine’s Day. But it’s ok! 

I got my Daddy’s favor and He let me do ministry today. And THAT, right now, is what keeps me smiling! Keeps me trusting! Keeps me hoping! Keeps me praying while waiting! 

(See what I did there! Haha I added my hashtag without the #… Now that’s cool!)

I know some of you were HOPING that suddenly your crush OR a nice man of God would wake up today feeling all kinds of feelings for you and ask you out… Or maybe send you flowers… Or a big teddy bear… Or even chocolates!!! OR a beautiful flower arrangement with an “anonymous” note! Gosh! Even a cute text would have been nice! Haha I know I was! 

I know some of you were PRAYING that something amazing would happened today. Maybe like this guy you know and you appreciate finally told you everything he feels for you! You know? Like in the movies when the “friend” finally confesses his love for you and BAM! There is your story!!! I know I was!!! 

I know some of you were TRUSTING that all your praying would do something in your guy. Well… mainly because you know what your Heavenly Father is capable of doing! He could change everything in seconds if He wanted to! I know I was!!!

You know what I tell myself? 

I always tell myself…

“Esli, maybe this is your last Valentine’s Day alone! Maybe next year!!!” 

If you are crying at this point while reading this… You are good!! I am crying with you! 

I am sending you tons of hugs and I am praying for you! 

I have had way too many of these Valentine’s Days to know exactly what you are feeling! Or at least have an idea! 

Here is what my biggest fear is…

That you will get mad at God! 

That you somehow would blame Him of your pain. 

That somehow you wont wanna worship Him or pray to Him or sing to Him because you are mad at Him.

I did. 

After I got rejected (the guy picked another woman and married her) I felt like God totally left me out of the blessing of marrying such an amazing man of God. 

I remember telling God “ok, you are obviously not listening to my prayers… So I am just gonna go get me a husband myself!” 

It was the lowest point in my life. It only took 9 months of me dating everything that moved and had sex with anyone that said the “right” things to me to realize that I felt worse! 

Every time I was more unhappy… Bitter… 

I felt dirty! 

I felt used!

I felt oh so EMPTY!!! 

Oh yeah! …and I never got a husband! 

I sometimes look back at those months and I wanna kick myself… Or slap myself super hard!!! 

But it was good for me to experience so that I could see that having tons of dates wasn’t what I needed in my life.

I am not saying “ok ladies! Go ahead and experience it for yourself!” Gosh! No no no no!!! I really wish that by me sharing this would be enough and that you wouldn’t make the same mistakes I made!

I don’t know why I am still single. I mean I know I am NOT perfect but you know what I mean… I sometimes think that it is so I can encourage other single women out there. 

I HONESTLY cannot understand why YOU are single! 

And gosh! I pray that my words comfort you tonight! 

I really hope and pray that I say words that will encourage you and LOVE Jesus more!!! 

But this is what I do understand…

That if you have a relationship with your Father and you are being obedient to His voice. You pray to Him. You read His word. You make disciples. You seek His face…

If you are all about your Heavenly Father…

You being single right now is part of His plan. 

And I know you know this verse so well mainly because its EVERYWHERE… 

Now… Read it tho… Read each of the words and really mediate on it… We tend to just scan Bible verses. 

Jeremiah 29:11

Remember, God can change everything in seconds… Don’t give up HOPE. The enemy wants that! 

The enemy is an idiot! Don’t listen to him tonight! 

You are amazing!!! 

You are worth it!!! 

You are your Father’s princess!!! 

You are gonna be an amazing wife one day!!!! 

But now…

Focus on what God is asking of you… And right now… If you are single, 

BE THE BEST CHRISTIAN SINGLE LADY THAT IS OUT THERE!!! KICK BUTT SIS!!!! 

I know you can do it! 😉

I love you! 

#prayingwhilewaiting

All I want is a burrito! 

It’s raining! 

My jacket is wet. My shoes are wet also. I am in a bus on my way to an orphanage. We had to walk almost a mile and cross the border to Tijuana where the orphanage is. I am listening to music wearing my headphones because I cannot stand Mexican (accordion or Banda) music and the noises the bus makes my ears hurt. I am typing this blog on my phone like almost all my blogs. Everybody seems excited to get to the orphanage. People are talking and here I am sitting alone in the seat. I might look like I am antisocial. Did I paint a picture for you? 

I am happy! 

I woke up with a bleh attitude but right now I am happy! I am smiling! I am excited to spend my day off in an orphanage. I have made some friends I really care about. 

I find meaning in things I do, how I spend my days, who I minister to, who I hang out with… 

There is a reason why I am still breathing. I know there is stuff for me to do here on earth. 

I am content with my life. 

Let me tell you a little bit about it… for those who don’t know me…

I oversee all the MicroSites for the Rock Church (www.sdrock.com/MicroSites). MicroSites are tiny churches all over San Diego where we take a big screen, projector and speakers and we have church with people on the streets. We live stream our services and that’s how we take The Rock church everywhere! I know! So cool! 😉

I also teach the women at The Rock church Hiking Ministry. Such a GREAT ministry!!! Such an awesome family! Many singles there… just saying! 😍(www.sdrock.com/hiking)

And I also help at #Unity4Orphans ❤️

We go twice every month to different orphanages and love the crap out of children! (Www.unity4orphans.com) 

Today, we are going to my favorite orphanage. I get to love this little one that has my heart!!! A 9 month baby who I love kissing, feeding, hugging, making him laugh and even change his diaper!! 

And the most important thing about my life is that I love Jesus Christ and He loves me back! I have a direct connection with Him. I talk to Him every day… all day! He talks to me! I try to obey His commands as much as I can! AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I WISH I COULD BE HOME WITH HIM TODAY!!! 

No, I am not being suicidal or anything like that… I just know what I was made for and what my future looks like because of what Jesus did in a cross for me. 

This is me! 

This is Esli! 

I don’t want anything right now! 

I don’t need anything else right now! 

Although, one of my friends was eating a burrito with coffee that looked really good!!! I could use a burrito right now…

Yum!! A burrito!!!

I know I write about Praying While Waiting.

I know I write about crushes. I know it looks like I am in constant look out for my husband. BUT I am not. 

Did you know that most of my stories are just inspired by people I minister to?

Did you know that some of the blogs I post here were written a LONG time ago? 

Did you know that I had to buy more iCloud space because the amount of writings I have in my phone? 

Do I fall for guys? 

Oh heck yeah! 

Specially the ones with a beard! 😍

I don’t know. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 🐻

Am I talking to someone right now? 

Yeah… I am currently talking to a guy. 

Do I see a future?

Not really! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why am I still talking to him?

Because for some odd reason he is in my life! 

Am I specting to make an impact in his life? 

ABSOLUTELY!!! 

That’s my life’s mission!!! 
All I want right now is a burrito!

Ah a surf and turf burrito sounds pretty amazing!! 

Seriously, I am getting hungry! 
Do I want a serious relationship? 

YES!! One day… right now tho… 

I don’t know! 

The reason why I don’t know is because I cannot afford to fall in love with a dream. I cannot fall in love with someone who only lives in my head. I’ve done that way too many times. 

What do I mean?

You know how you start to think or crush on someone and in your mind that person is just perfect but then the love either fades away or it forces you to get over it and you see the guy for who he really is and you are like… 

“uh… who are you? In my head, you were perfect!”

I can’t keep fantasizing on something that is just one way. Something where there is love going out from me but no love coming in my way.

Now, I want to fall in love with someone imperfect. I wanna fall in love with someone that is real!

And this time, I want to be the one that’s being pursued. I want him to make the first move. Pray for me! It’s so difficult for me to really just stay put and let the guy make the moves. But for once… I want something different. 

I want to be wanted!

I want someone to want me the way I want a burrito right now!!!! 

#Prayingwhilewaiting